(>.< ) ( >.<) (>.< ) ( >.<)

Hmmm it's been a slow day and yet fulfilling. Yeah.. I was indeed having more time to sleep due to feeling unwell. As usual, having more time to sleep also made me feeling more sleepy somehow. I couldn't understand this myself too. All I know is keeping myself active and making sure able to finish whatever things given to my "plate."



I have indeed hoping to meet the sunshine after having stormy days during weekend. Many things have happened during those days. Ranging from taking time off from youth ministry and dealing with some personal issues have really been wearing my energy off to the max. At the moment in time, I do have some struggling after pulling out from youth ministry. Really really I asked myself and also being asked what has driven me to take time off. One question that I couldn't answer was ==> Did I ask permission from the Lord before I made the decision? <==



Yeah... Indeed I was left speechless during the counselling session after church. Indeed I wasn't clearheaded when I made that decision. I would say there were some anger element when I made that decision too. I was "surprised" with certain character in me that I couldn't even overcome. Some of those characters were not known to be in me too. Somehow I started to recall about having continuous deliverance in oneself is very crucial. Now I know the reason why people are doing that and wanting to keep themselves clean from past practices or even hurts. I found them really really hard to accept those difficulties.



But God is good by sending counsellors that spoke to me during sunday itself. No doubt that I received righteous scolding from my church leaders during weekend too. I don't have much comment on those, but instead having the gratitude feeling for pointing my mistakes out. Even though the lessons were hard to be digested, but I know they were meant to help me to grow and becoming a better person in time to come.



May they be physical lessons or even spiritual lessons, I am just happy to take time to learn and hopefully I could remember + able to apply them into my life. These three days also, I was taking a little bit more time to reflect and giving myself time to restart my walk with the Lord afresh. I felt pretty good and comfortable despite of having so much trouble on my shoulder.



As I reflect back at this time, I just want to acknowledge that He really loves me and sending His angels to my life every now and then. May they be there to counsel, to hear my sharing, to pray for me or even to encourage me. I couldn't comprehend all those myself. Yeah... also wanna give thanks that finally JL made contact with me today. I was rejoicing during my office hours and that also produces energy for me to complete things faster.



Hmmm... I was experiencing one of the toughest time for this year. I called it tough because I knew I have made mistakes that I shouldn't have done and secondly really comes from my inability to separate problems, feeling and people. I got them all mixed up. Pretty bad yeah???



But I would like to take time to look on brighter side of those experiences. I do see myself learning more things and getting to know how to handle certain issues. Well it will be too premature to say that I have learnt. Hmm probably I will say that I have encountered. Anyway.. look forward for better time to come...