M3M0RY

Hmmm I am still very much awake at this time apparently. Taking some time just listening to songs on youtube. There are just so many songs that I used to listen in the past. Some of them includes WWE Superstars entrance theme song; also listening to Metallica. Feel great with the music bit except lyrics. What an IRONY indeed.

Anyway... each song just reminds me of journey where I went through back and forth during academic years. Those times, I always use song to help me memorizing certain subjects or pathway. I am very much amazed that all those memories still stuck in my head. Truly it just help me to think through on what sort of person I was in the past and then able to compare with current self of mine.

Basically I have not been indulging myself with musics other than praise and worship songs for the past 4 to 5 years. I just don't know why and how I have lost taste on current trend of songs. Despite of those unanswred question mark, I am still very happy with current self of mine. One thing I know and I would want to achieve is to be in a place where He wants me to be.

Since beginning month of April, I have been feeling more and more desire wanting to spend more time on worship and getting my sprititual foundation back in form. I am happy with the desire and yet not feeling happy at the same time too. Reason is because I have not been able to acting upon desire that I have within. Many a time still taking time on everything else which I can say not important to some extent. Productivity has been all time low.

I want to increase productivity in comparison to time because I have been feeling lacking os far behind compared to where I should have been. I don't understand on why I have been feeling left out in CG too. Seriously, I do get worried on certain things that I shared openly as well. I am trying to understand on whether I should care on people' expression as I shared or I should just go ahead sharing what has been in my heart.

There is no right and wrong teaching about this too...... All I know is to get back on track in regards to spiritual walk and desiring on divine intervention + divine teaching on both THE WORDS as well as ITS applications. I feel funny to realize right now that I am beginning to look into myself from third person point of view again. Is it because I am beginning to have more time for myself for reflection again? or Is it just where I will fall back in times of reflection... Interesting to find out indeed....

Myself aside......

Was having family gathering to celebrate Mother's day as well as in advanced birthday celebration with family at VV earlier on. I saw how everyone has grown up. Some really look more mature and parents are getting older each time I met them. I couldn't help it but my memory just brought me back to the time when we all used to stay together as one family. It was so luxurious to have a mother whom always prepare without fail for our breakfast; waking each and everyone up for school; coming home knowing that there are foods on the table for dinner.

Used to watch movie together as a family. Going marketing for the week or the next few days. Hearing my parents nagging to study and behaving myself properly; Having luxury of parental love as well as being prayed for when we sleep (This is very very lovely and HUGE BLESSING). Also another thing is to remember on how Mom always stand at the window seeing myself getting on Snoopy Bus to school. It's just so lovely and truly I must say that She is a GREAT Mother and I thank God for her.

It is not easy even to be a mother. But deep within me I know that she has done more than she required to do for myself and my siblings. What a great gift from GOD for me. As a son I don't know what can be done to show more appreciation on what She has done for me. As much as I want to do for her, there is also a challenge where I am not able to do so due to not used to do it in family setting.

I still hope I will do it. Yes I will do it. There are so many changes for the past few years. I do feel overwhelmed seeing everyone getting on their own way. Is it because I have not grown up in my thought and being??? Have I or have I not??? I can only say that I am who I am right now and yet past memories will always remain deeply rooted in my heart.

Looking into my ownself, I don't feel happy with where I am not. I am not satisfied at all. I have greater capacity and yet have not even reach to a third of myself. I don't know what is in me. One thing I feel is to know that there is a hidden energy yet to be utilized and for me to explore. I am afraid and yet excited wanting to find out what The Lord has always been preparing in store for me.

I want more of You Lord.... I want more of You....... Look forward to what is coming... Look forward to career ahead.... Look forward to more and more stabilized relationship.... Look forward to improved-self of mine in the Lord.

Rescue - Newsong
-------------------------------------
Verse1
You are the Source of life
And I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

Chorus
I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with Grace

Verse2
My heart is Yours for life
And I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You

Bridge
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me.

That's the song being played in my heart at this time round. Yeah.... I guess I better get some sleep now. Thanks for reading this reflection of mine. Keep me in prayers okay.

Cheers!!!